Persuasive Writing

Exclamation Points!!!!

If you are above the age of fourteen, you will no longer be excused for your exclamation point abuse. Just what is exclamation point abuse?

Why, using one at all.

If you are writing a novel, you are allowed one exclamation point for the whole thing. There is another rule: you are allowed to use three exclamation points over the course of your lifetime. (I guess that limits you to three novels containing one exclamation point.)

Why? Because your words should convey the power of what you're saying, not smiley-faced punctuation.

Pre-Load Your Brain

Writing is hard if you don't trust yourself and you have to power through every sentence. Relax a little and let your brain do the work on its own.

Here's the easiest way to do it: Before you go to bed at night, read everything you need to know to write about your subject. This doesn't mean to re-read the books you've read in preparation -- read the notes you took about those books. Don't try to form opinions. Don't try to solve your problems. Just load your brain with information.

Now, go to bed. Sleep on it. Then get to work the first thing in the morning. The very, absolutely first thing. You are allowed a cup of coffee while you work, especially if you loaded the coffeemaker the night before. Don't get dressed. Don't talk to anyone. Start writing.

You'll be relieved and surprised and how your sleeping brain solved many of your problems. But keep going until you are substantially done! If you stop, just like waking from a dream, you may not remember the things you were so sure you knew.

Pre-load your brain. Then sleep on it.

Why is the market flooded with quotation marks?

We've got an imbalance of punctuation in this country: somebody has flooded the market with quotation marks. Are they the newest cheap import from China? Be careful. Excessive use can be toxic.

The stupidest misuse is the trend to put company names or slogans in quotation marks. I see it all the time on company trucks. The first problem is that it's wrong. "Best plumber in town" should not be in quotation marks unless somebody, whose name will be named, said so. "Best plumber in town," Mary Smith says. But why would you paint Mary Smith's name on the side of your truck?

I think people put phrases in quotation marks for emphasis. But did you know it will instead emphasize  the opposite of what you're trying to say. The reader may think you're being ironic. You're not really the best plumber in town, in fact, you're not really a plumber. You just play one on TV.

These are also called scare quotes.

My husband, the "plumber," said he would fix the leak. Thirty minutes later we had to call the fire department to shut off the water.

The other stupid thing about putting quotation marks around your name or slogan is that it makes it more difficult to read. It clutters the spot you're trying to use for communications. Use as little punctuation as you can when you're painting the side of your truck, or putting a headline on your website, or doing anything in print.

You probably won't need to do this often, but you can put a word in quotation marks if you're talking about the word and don't want it to be read in the context of the sentence.

Y'all don't know how to spell "y'all."

Unless you are quoting somebody or giving the title of short fiction, a magazine or journal article, a chapter in a book or a song track, you really don't need all those quotation marks you bought on sale at wherever you got them.

So take them back. They're dangerous in the hands of a non-professional. Don't try this at home, please.

What to do when you can't find the right word

There are many ways to be at a loss for words. The best way is to know that the word is out there, to almost be able to grasp it, and just not be able to bring that word up. Perhaps you should upgrade your memory. When that happens, a good solution is to leave a blank and keep going. Or, if you have time and are haunted by not being able to retrieve that word from your little pea brain, go take a shower or a walk or drive around for a bit. The word will come out of hiding when you are not looking for it.

A worse predicament is to know that what you are writing about it pretty much BS, so that there are really no words to use because what you are writing about is really camouflage for something else. For instance, your client has goofed in some large way. Say, your client has clear-cut thousand-year-old trees in a National Forest when actually they meant to cut the trees that were on the other side of the highway, or something like that. So now they are going to run a full-page ad in the newspapers about how environmentally friendly they are.

This leaves you with two words, and only two words. These words are "committed" and "dedicated." If you know more and other words, please let me know because these are the two I am stuck with. You will be forced to write, "We are committed to the environment and dedicated to the communities we serve...." or some variation thereof.

You can interchange "committed" and "dedicated." It really doesn't matter. And it really doesn't mean anything, does it? Talk about a cheapening of the word "commitment." Yes, I played my part. I'm sorry. I did it only in desperation.

And now, when I read about some entity's commitment or dedication to something, such as children's health, I figure that they must have been responsible for poisoning a whole kindergarten somewhere. That's how cynical this business can make you.

Then, there's the last situation you may find yourself in when you can't find the right word. You have simply run out of words. There are no words left, and both you and I know it. You have used them all up. There is nothing more to say. Yet your ad (or whatever) is due at 2:00. I feel for you. I've been there. And I'm sorry to tell you, but you are doomed. When you have used up your words, they are gone.

I've seen what you've done when that's happened. We've all seen the ads on TV and elsewhere where it is clear that the writer has simply run out of words. It is painful to watch, because we know the pain that caused this travesty. But don't beat yourself up. Sometimes even the best surgeons have a patient die on the table. You're just in advertising and PR. If you run out of words, you might be fired, but no one will die.

I know that this is what must have happened to the creative team that gave us the Volkswagen "Fahvergnugen" campaign. Those people must have really been out of words. What were they thinking?

I just hope that the same doesn't happen to any of us.

Want to write a novel? Come join me!

Want to write a novel? Come join me.

Here are two sites to get you moving and keep you moving:

www.NovelGoal.com
www.NovelStruggles.com

Quote of the day:

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
                                        -- Sidney J. Harris, American Journalist

Emergency Help #5: Write your first paragraph NOW

You might feel like going fetal, but all that will do is eat up precious time.

You've got a blank page in front of you. That's causing you to panic. You need to un-blank it. Right now, right this very minute, hammer out your first paragraph. It almost doesn't matter what you say write now. You're out of time. You need to get going.

There' s no better way to get going that to GO! So, write as quickly as you can. You might want to set a timer for 15 minutes, just so you'll know there's an end to your pain.

Write. Once you've un-blanked your blank page, your terror should subside, you should be able to unwind from your fetal position, and get the rest of your work done.

So go! Hurry! You can do it! But you have to start NOW!

Choosing the right word: Hint - not the one from Latin

You've got a choice of two words (or more) in your head. They might mean more or less the same thing. How do you choose?

Hint: It's not the word with Latin roots.

English is a Germanic language. In a semi-educated explanation, it started off as Anglo-Saxon. French, Spanish and Italian came from Latin roots. English did not.

All those teachers and wise others who tell you to take Latin to score higher on the SAT? They could be right about the SAT, but the best use of knowing Latin is to know which word NOT to use. Did the word come from Latin? Then use another one.

The most powerful words in English, the words that will hit your readers in the gut, are the words with Anglo-Saxon roots. If you can't figure out which words are Anglo-Saxon in origin and which words come from the Roman occupation of Britain or William the Conqueror's 1066 invasion (hint: he was French), get a good dictionary that gives you the word's origins. Many versions of the Oxford English dictionaries give this information.

Sometimes you just know it in your gut, which is, after all, the whole point. Which sentence hits you most deeply:

1. When you brush your cat, you help her shed.
2. When you brush your cat, you help her exvuviate.

There are better and plentiful examples. I was glad to see your face. I was glad to see your visage. That last one might make you want to be sure you're all buttoned up.

So, go ahead. Take Latin. Maybe it will help your test scores or to interpret the bloated writing of people drawn to Latinate words. But when it comes to your own writing, use what you know of Latin to defenestrate those words. (Throw them out of the window.)

If you can think, you can write

I was going to name this post, "If you can talk, you can write," but that's not true. Just listen to some of the people around you. If we're going to be honest, they really should keep their mouths shut. I'm sure this doesn't apply to you, however.

Good writing is conversational in style. It should speak directly to the reader without the impediments of complicated words or sentence structure. It should be an honest, from-the-heart attempt to reach another person. Or at the very least, it should sound that way.

Good writing should sound like an informed, honest, reasonably smart person talking. It's really a monologue. If you can think in an orderly fashion, you can write.

Conversational standards, text messaging and e-mail -- not to mention semi-literate contemporary slang -- have degraded the spoken word. Many, many people take so many shortcuts in their communications that they cannot rely on their ears to tell them if their writing is effective. But I'm being an old crank. My audience requires standard English in a casual style. Perhaps yours wants to be asked, "Whassup, Dawg?"

Know who you're writing for, think through what you're going to say, and write in the language that your audience understands.

Make money writing

There are many ways you can make money writing. Here's a blog I've found that's fun to read, must be fun to write -- and the writer is getting paid to blog. Take a look at one of Venomous Kate's blogs, I think Therefore I Blog.

All y'all pay attention: It's spelled "y'all"

I really didn't think I was going to have to go there with you people, but the more I read the worse it gets. Now that everyone has become Southern, and I don't just mean all those retirees that have moved down here and ruined the housing prices, it is time to learn how to correctly use and spell "y'all."

First off, "y'all" is plural. You would never address an individual as "y'all," unless that individual was pregnant, and even that would be odd but at least would make sense on some level.

If you want to tell me that you love me, say, "I love you" and don't forget the flowers. If you say, "I love y'all," I'll assume you've got several girlfriends and slap you. (I am married, but I do accept flowers.)

Now, if you are addressing my friends and me, you can say "y'all" if you are addressing the whole group.

It's really quite simple. "Y'all" fills in where English slipped up. "You" doesn't work for singular and plural. Whoever you're addressing will look around with a "who me?" expression while trying to determine if you mean one person or a group, and if you mean one person, which particular one. "Y'all" solves this problem.

The next thing you have to learn is how to spell it. Let's look at this logically. "Y'all" is a contraction. That means something was left out and the apostrophe should fill in the hole. "Y'all" is short for "you all," so that means what is missing is "you all." That means you put the apostrophe here: y'all, not here, ya'll.

Finally, and this is probably too advanced for most non-natives, if you are addressing a group of people who are really not paying attention to you, you can boost the power of your "y'all" when addressing them by saying "all y'all." There are some who might consider this redundant, but it is really for emphasis and even fits right in to what I remember about double negatives in old English. The more "no" words you say, the more you are saying "absolutely not." I don't have time to explain this right now, so all y'all are just going to have to trust me on this.